Man up

What is a real man?

Surely there is a bar or a standard that we male homosapiens must meet in order to live up to the title of 'a real man'.

Being a man is easy enough. If there is a bar or a standard, you're a man whether you cut it or not. But a real man with emphasis on the real is one that we have yet to really define.

The world's perspective may look something like this:

Smart, good looking, wears expensive aftershave, successful, pulls the women, rakes in the cash, famous, has charisma and the all-important six pack. (McConaughey takes off his shirt enough in each film for us to notice that..)

Looks about right I'm thinking. That's enough for every man to aspire to, which I guess in some twisted way makes you want to buy the aftershave, and buy into the idea of the real man.

The sad thing is that women don't help men in this. I've heard lots of my female friends say about the likes of Hugh Jackman; "That's what a real man looks like". Right, thanks.

Matthew McConaughey is one of many men who contribute to the way we think and one aspect of the whole influence. God's version of a 'real man' may seem a whole lot less cool. From His angle, the main point here is that the real man has one model. One template. One representative.

No suprises here as to where I'm going... Jesus.

Does a real man put everyone else before himself? Does a real man live promiscuously and conquor women? Does a real man mark knotches on his bedpost? Does a real man wack off to porn? Does he discipline himself? Does he live faithfully? Be easily angered? Fear commitment or feel the need to prove himself? Does he lust over women who are not his wife? Slag off his mates? Inflate his own ego, or choose to build up other people?

When you take Jesus as the template, the viewpoint changes. Was Jesus passive or weak? Absolutely not. Though he has been watered down by pictures, imagery and the way he's painted. If he had got down from the cross and kung fu'd them all, we'd think He was way more manly and cooler - but we'd miss the point entirely of a real man's sacrifice for love.

Sidenote, love is a masculine thing too. Love means taking risk, sacrifice and putting your heart on the line... what's soft and fluffy about that?

Humility, grace, mercy, love, compassion; all underestimated. In fact they are often seen as weakness and frailness of character. I suppose part of being a real man is the knowing and understanding of true masculinity.

The question you need to ask yourself is, what kind of man do you want to be? Buying Dolche and Gabbana might be easier.

Life vs Soup

We always have a choice.

Sometimes we know we're making a bad choice as we're making them. Sometimes we make the same bad choice over and over again... and again.

Some things seem to be such a great temptation that it almost seems worth displeasing God for. The problem is that these bad choices, though forgiven, plant a seed and bear a harvest in our lives later on. As sure and as predictable as gravity.

The truth is that anything that displeases God isn't actually worth the trade. Even if it seems good.

It's a bowl of soup. Remember this when we look in the face of the temptation of what may be the 100th time... it's a bowl of soup, and in no way is it worth the trade of the goodness of God in our lives. The goodness of God can be stolen if we surrender it by the decisions we make. This is a good reminder incase we fall into the trap of thinking that grace undoes our decisions and the consequences are therefore irradicated. They're not, and although we can be healed and redeemed and the sin forgotten by God, consequences are real and the effects can be difficult to undo.

In fact, some things are really hard to undo. Breaking habits; smoothing over the scar tissue. It can be like trying to stop a train coming downhill on slick tracks.

The salesman always tells us it's what we need, it will make us feel better, it's the solution... How can a bowl of soup do all that?

Purpose fuels life

You get an interesting response when you ask someone what their purpose in life is. It seems that a lot of us don’t really know. What I find is that many of us have sub-purposes. Like being a mother or a father. A wife or a husband. A business executive or academic. A missionary or a church attendee. A musician or a computer genius. Some of us even allow the sub-purpose to become the entire purpose of our being. We attach labels to ourselves to define purpose, clarify identity and solidify our place in the world. (side note here) Christians have to be careful not to settle for their label of ‘Christian’. We can all too easily settle with this and whilst having all the belief systems in place become too comfortable and too content to discover more of the heart of the God.

I used to think that humans simply desire to be a ‘somebody‘. Now I think the answer lies a little deeper. To be a somebody means they have achieved their purpose; That’s why they’re a somebody. It is purpose we seek, whether it be conscious or subconscious.

“It is purpose that created us. Purpose that connects us. Purpose that pulls us. That guides us. That drives us. It is purpose that defines. Purpose that binds us.”----Agent Smith M.R

Perhaps our desire for purpose is the reason we are a celebrity-obsessed culture. Maybe we live vicariously through these superstars who have marked the world with their name, defined their purpose and made themselves acceptable to a world that embraces their talent. They have left their mark and have had an impact so great that their names are remembered long after they’re gone. Glamorous but deceitful, this is all a sub-purpose for any human being.

The discovery of purpose helps ascertain other elements. It helps us with our identity, it tells us we belong, it gives us motivation and it also gives us faith that whatever the contents of our history; that too was for a purpose.

The sub-purposes must not play the role of our true purpose. Whatever this true purpose is, it will not reflect so much on us, our role or our impact on the world, but instead reflect back to a God who is the story‘s centrepiece. The start of our purpose is always to be connected to Him, to be sons and daughters, to love and be loved.

Our sub-purposes can sometimes steal the limelight of our own existence. They can take a seat at the throne of your heart. Psalm 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart..” Your purpose and the unlocking of your potential will be found when it is God who sits at the throne of your heart.

A respect for discipline & a focus of desire

"God loves us just as we are… But God loves us too much to leave us as we are". If you are anything like me, you’ll be cynical and think this is God’s nice way of telling us: ‘not good enough’. Upon reflection of all that I know of God, He isn’t nice. Or at least not for niceness sake. He’s about as grounded and real and honest as you’re going to get. So lets take in some good news. You are acceptable. So am I. You are enough. So am I (through Christ alone). Nontheless we are still required to change, renew our minds and be more like Him.

This constant changing requires consistency and determination. It doesn’t just happen because we know we need to change, i.e. the Spirits conviction. In order to achieve change we need something more than the belief that we can be better. I think that two things need to be looked at in order to achieve the regular ongoing change. A loaded word called discipline. And a loaded word called desire.

DISCIPLINE

A respect for discipline is needed. My own discipline is pants and I do not often respect it. I’m rarely on time, I narrowly scrape my deadlines, my room is a mess, I stay up way too late and I don’t make the time to spend it with God. ‘Lighten up Dean, live a little, these things aren’t that big a deal‘. They're not? By being late I show the person I’m meeting that they’re not important and I don‘t care. By missing deadlines I show I’m unreliable. My messy room says I'm ungrateful for what I have. Staying up late means I wake late - schedule goes to pot and my now scatty mind means I'm not likely to fit God into my time. We have a culture (especially in Uni) that says a disciplined person is a boring person. I beg to differ. How ironic it would be if you stopped reading because you’re bored.

A beautiful and simple revelation once hit me. ‘If you don’t do something differently, it will always be the same‘. I understand now that despite the obvious simplicity, it meant that change requires an active and conscious effort. To know that I needed to change was simply not enough. A respect for discipline is still needed..

Robert Louis Stevenson once said "You cannot run away from a weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?"

DESIRE

Simple psychology tells us that if we do not do something, the underlying problem is that you do not really want to do it. So if you don’t go to the gym for reasons x,y and z, the underlying problem is that you don’t really care enough about being fit. If you don’t attend lectures, the underlying problem is that you don’t really care enough about your career. If you don’t read your bible, you don’t really care enough about your spiritual life. That last one stung didn’t it? We can make excuses all day and all night but maybe the truth is that we don’t care enough about it.

Last week I told my housemate that I just didn’t have time to read the bible. His response: ‘But, you managed to get to basketball practice at 7 in the morning?’ Yeah, what’s your point? Harsh reality is that my desire for basketball was higher than my desire for God and His word. Tough pill to swallow. The same goes for sin over God when we choose it. The truth is good for us.

The Christian life requires discipline yes? Lots really. Ever find, like me, that you just can’t be disciplined no matter how hard you try? Of course I can make a few hundred excuses but the inexplicable failure record of my own discipline has to be looked at.

Maybe the reason I’m not disciplined is because I don’t care enough about making the person I’m meeting feel important. Maybe I don’t care enough about being reliable to my colleagues and my teachers. Maybe my room state tells me I actually don’t care enough about the possessions I have. Maybe I don’t care enough about all these things enough to discipline my own life.

The decisions and priorities of desire must be addressed first. Then we can enforce our own self discipline. For we cannot be disciplined for what we do not truly care about.

Tangible beauty

I don’t care too much for pretty. Beauty I love.

The meaning and the understanding of beauty got lost somewhere. The word is often used today as an emphasis on just HOW pretty. An emphasis on something that dazzles and impresses. There is this thing that happens now where it is only used on something feminine, which I like in all honesty.

I lay on the grass after a walk with some friends in some open natural terrain. I’m laying very still and taking in the scenery, the sun, the blue sky and I can feel God. He’s in it all. This kind of beauty moment doesn’t happen all the time. They land in my life few and far between. I call them heaven moments. Those times when you wish you could freeze the moment, squeeze it, hold it and make it yours forever...heaven moment. Tricky part is, when the memory is all that’s left, you just wish you were back there.. Its almost depressing that you can’t see it or feel it anymore. We all have these times in mind, and yesterday I realise that all of my moments are moments of experiencing beauty. Yesterday on the grass with friends behind me; beauty. The day I’m can’t take my eyes off the girl; beauty. The patch of sand on the beach in Ireland; beauty. The days I feel intimately and closely loved; beauty. Its powerful stuff this beauty.

CS Lewis said; “We do not want merely to see beauty, though, God knows, even that is bounty enough. We want something else which can hardly be put into words - to be united with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves.”

But here’s my revelation (getting to it)..
Beauty is not mine to own. See, when I’m lying there on the grass and I’m in my moment, I want it to last. But I know this moment is going to end, that all my friends are going to go home and the suns going down and I’ll freeze if I stay there..

I know that I’m not on the beach in Ireland anymore. I know that the girl isn’t mine. I know that I can’t see that face everyday. So I’m not satisfied; I have my memory and nothing more. Like I said its depressing. So what’s the answer? I felt God say that it is your privilege to experience it. It is your privilege to have that moment. You get to experience beauty and therefore, you get to experience Me. That’s your honour and your privilege that you get to be a part of that; see what you can see and feel what you can feel. If you humble yourself to enjoying the moment you have without needing to own it, then you find yourself somewhere else entirely. You find that beauty inspires, moves and comforts you (captivating).

I think God IS beauty, like God is love. I don’t think you can separate the two. And I don’t think you can fully appreciate beauty until you see something of God and I don’t think you can appreciate God if you don’t acknowledge His beauty. (p.s. The feminine thing CAN still apply here, God poured Himself into male AND female - if we miss the feminine part because we think God is male, we miss half of Him).

Pretty is often just dressing. Beauty is something altogether different.

So I may never own the beautiful thing, but I own my moment…or better, I share the moment. And life is but a series of moments is it not?

Lego Heaven

Belonging…

Its a funny thing. Its not so much a feeling as it is a state, and its not so much a state as it is an identity. Yet it is all three.

I think that to belong is a core human ingredient in order to stop the soul being restless. To belong is not necessarily to stop and simply be content, or to be secured and maintain a better outlook on life. It is a part of identity.

I guess many of us can be surrounded by a million people and feel that we just don’t fit. Like you want to be a piece of the jigsaw and you realise you’re a lego brick. I know for me that I can be the most popular guy in the room and still feel like home isn’t even in the same dimension. Shoot me from a cannon in any direction and I’ll be closer.

Belonging usually equals home.The truth is that none of us are really home. We were created to be WITH God. Sure we can be with Him now but not in the same way. To be truly with Him is to walk with Him in the cool of the day, to be in His physical undeniable amazing prescence. We call this place.. Heaven. It was meant to be this way for us (until Adam screwed it up), as it was In The Beginning. Thats why we call heaven our Home.

The Adam part was a joke by the way.. it was Eve’s fault. Talking snakes is a bad sign, you should of known.

So in all seriousness, none of us are going to completely belong, but Heaven is coming. Or, more accurately, WE are coming.

The next best thing is something I felt last night. I went up the front of the gazeebo to catch some blessing at a big Christian event. After taking a good dose and feeling fairly satisfied with my spirit-fill, I began my walk back to the group I came with. When I finally made it back to them, worship was ongoing again and everyone was up and praising. I then realised I didn’t come with a group, I came with friends. Brothers and sisters if you will. They smiled at me and welcomed me back subtely but distinctly like I was part of them, and I was about to stand with them alongside them to worship Jesus Christ who we were all living for. All of us united by all that He is and all He has done. This moment gave me such deep belonging that its difficult to emphasize. In that oversized overpopulated and slightly claustrophobic tent on a field in the middle of Derby was a slight glimpse of heaven.

It felt good. Like it should.

The mystery of women

Perhaps the greatest mystery of all time. If you've ever had your heart thrown into a blender by a girl, its easy to lose this reality. Its also easy to lose it if you've sufferred a rejection. Its also easy to lose it when you find out certain things that complicate how on earth men are supposed to get it right, like, "women don't know what they want". Women have actually said this to me in conversation before now. Its not just something passed down from bitter men.

This one was particularly perplexing to me as it came from my pastor; "Dean, women don't understand themselves, therefore there's no point trying to figure them out". This may have some truth to it. However, these comments on their own run the risk of making a man feel that there's nothing really worth pursuing. The mystery of a woman can appear to be just a myth. Without the mystery to uncover, pursuit seems pointless, and we fear the yo-yo motion of trying to keep up.

Here's some other corrections which came from a worldy attitude.. Women are not to be conquered. You may take this as a given, but this mentality goes on a lot in the minds of men. They are not the prize or the trophy to the guy. They ARE the adventure, the discovery, the reflection of the beauty and feminiity of God. Each woman has a heart to be pursued, protected and cherished, not to be won or conquered. Whether they believe that or not, whether they act that out or not. These are known truths that get lost in the off-handed remarks, complaints and bitter responses of men.

So yeah we may never understand the complex infostructure known as the female mind. But hold on to the above truths, or we miss the other side of God for each woman was made in His image to captivate.